Ironically, but not unexpectedly given our human condition, we have constructed a paradoxical antonym. We have jettisoned the componential elements of social media in favor of a zeitgeist driven terminology characterized by layers of technological strata infused with elements and, of course pictures, of our personality, education and life experience. Our hearts, deceitful by nature, are spiritually skewed production factories in which majestic facades and false realities flow effortlessly off the assembly line. The advent of the cloud and wireless tethering for our mobile toys has allowed our heart’s facade operation to go global. And though it seems like a normal course of development, we were not designed for isolation and electronic interface. God crafted the relational appurtenance of human nature to reflect the depth and interdependence of His triune nature.

Righted by grace, the canvass of our hearts can display a masterpiece marked by community, love and the companionship of people doing life together. Unfortunately we often condense our relational and conversational properties into a 140 character Etch-a-Sketch. Despite the intrinsic communicative promises of this so-called social media we consume, it rarely delivers anything greater than distraction and shallow interactions. The medium has become the message instead of the messenger.

Instead of utilizing social media to enhance real relationships, the social media constitutes the depth of the relationship. I fear we have transferred privacy settings and password protection into the fabric of our hearts. Unless we understand what our social network should be, the only person others will ever know is a carefully crafted and conflated avatar. Simple, but not easy.

(Yes, I know you got here because I tweeted and wrote this in an online weblog. Technology is not the enemy, but it can certainly be a barrier to deep friendships.)

If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. ESV

What do we learn? The servant is a follower and the follower is a servant. A disciple and his work are inseparable.  Not only is service a part of our spiritual nature, it carries the promise of personal reward from our heavenly Father. A trophy, a crown, a commendation of service, some verbal recognition in heaven, maybe a plaque that says “Christian of the month for August 2011”? I don’t know what the honor from the Father looks like, but everyone knows what being honored feels like.

To be honored by the God who created the universe is not only amazing, but humbling. We join in church service to worship him, and yet he gives us a place of recognition because we serve him. And we serve him because we are followers. And we are followers because he chose us.  What a great and mighty and humble and sovereign God we serve!

As a pastor at Salem Chapel I am privileged to work with many tireless volunteers and servants.  For those who work day after day, week after week, I love them and can’t thank them enough. I love to see people serve where they are gifted and to experience the joy of labor. To be involved in the local ministry work of your church is much more than volunteering for a good cause, but an opportunity to be involved in the things that please God. Yes, a church always has roles to be filled and needs to be met. But more importantly, your personal need to serve Jesus is greater than the church’s organizational need for workers. This is another paradox. Each church needs your help, but it is you that miss out if you don’t serve.

Consider your gifts. Consider your calling. Serving others is work, but it is rewarding work. It is a source of spiritual joy that can never be found in recreation. The servant is a follower and the follower is a servant. Simple, but not easy.

I’ve been musing about how my mind has been affected by smartphones. I obtained my first smartphone in 2004, a Nextel Blackberry with synced calendar and contact lists. Man, I thought I was the bomb (note subtle 2004 cool word reference). Can you remember when one layer of your coolness was defined by your polyphonic ringtones? Pull it back…digression…loss of attention…fuzzy focus. And, we’re back….Now I don’t think I could function without the Iphone.  I find this a touch unsettling.  Not that it’s a crime to be organized and keep up with email, but I am more interested in the reduction in ability to focus in general, remember phone numbers, appointments or even how to get to someone’s house.

I can remember the phone number and address of the house I lived in when I was seven. For Pete’s sake, I can remember the numbers to my closest grade school friends. But ask me to quote you my current friends’ numbers and I’m clueless. I simply pull their name up in my phone.

I have always prided myself in being able to drive somewhere one time and never forget the route. Yet, I’ve noticed a few times recently that I’ve forgotten how to find someone’s residence that I’ve visited a couple of times. I suppose it could be that I’m nearing 38 years of life, but I think it’s more closely related to the fact that I rely on my phone’s GPS to get me to unknown places and spend the travel time watching for turns instead of watching the environment.

There’s much to be said about the efficiency a smartphone offers and leaving space in the memory banks for “important” stuff. Perhaps the problem is not the amount of room for storage, or the access to the information (think Google’s infinite bucket of facts) but the act of processing the information that maintains mental acuity. Memorizing stretches the mind, whereas punching the number in the phone is data entry. Studying a map and testing alternate routes beefs up your knowledge base while following turn by turn instructions ensures you can follow simple cues. Congratulations on being qualified to be a lab rat.

So I don’t think my Iphone is reducing brain cells. But is my efficient workflow reducing my capability to negotiate challenges and aggregate complex information? I don’t know. Maybe I should steal Paul’s Nokia and allow the gray matter of my cerebral cortex to see some action. Simple but not easy.

My personal conclusion is that solitude and “peace & quiet” are great, but for short seasons and time frames. It’s why God gave Eve to Adam in the first place. Humans were created for connectedness, community & togetherness.  Don’t isolate yourself, and don’t let your friends be isolated. Simple, but not easy.

Example: Help unload groceries.  Mom has come home with her bounty from Harris Teeter. “Boys, let’s get the groceries.”  They need to learn to help, right? My sons love to help, but inevitably bread would get crushed or apples would be dropped, or the door would not be held open for the guy with his hands full, or they would dump their load in the entryway without taking them to the kitchen, or they would carry one item at a time lengthening the time needed to finish. Fill in the blank for varying things that would not be “perfect.” To my shame, I often reacted negatively, forgetting these are little boys. Don’t they know what to do? We’ve done this 100 times.  I wanted to be able to give one quick order, “Help unload the groceries,” and have simple results. That would be independence.

It finally dawned on me that they need some dependence; translated structure/leadership.  What has become successful is when I walk with them and break down the chore. I hand them appropriate groceries that won’t be crushed or can’t break if dropped. I set out reasonable challenges, “Let’s see if you can lift that,” just to see them carry one or two extra boxes of something. I remind them to hold doors, not to rush, ask their mom where items are to be set.

It took very few times of making them dependent upon my presence and direction before they were fully trained to handle the job of unloading groceries to my satisfaction. After our recent vacation, my 8, 6 and 3 year old helped me unload an SUV full of stuff in less than 10 minutes with no whining or frustration. It was a beautiful thing. They learned to help Dad. I learned to not to be frustrated. Win Win!

What are some ways you have applied this principle in your own family? What are some ways you could ramp up your child’s independence and expectations?

As I sat here chatting with him and Jude, I laughed as I thought back to all of the preparations we made for him that went by the wayside by the time Alden, our third rugrat arrived.

• Monitor – we monitored that kid 24/7 – visually, audibly, electronically, physically. Anyone else ever get down on their hands and knees to see if their little chest is still moving up and down? We often forget Alden is around.
• Accoutrements/Accessories – we had all accessories a kid could have. Stroller, integrated with child carrier seat that integrated into the car seat which matched the diaper bag that had a special changing pad that matched the pack n play. By the third, if I went out, I just balled up two baby wipes inside a fresh diaper and stuffed them in a cargo pocket.
• Speaking of accessories: True Story. I ran through Babies R Us pushing strollers as fast as I could and taking corners to “test drive” the suspension systems. I also tested several pack n plays for ease of use, efficiency and sturdiness. By Alden, we just threw him on a couch between two pillows.
• Sickness – With Lincoln I would freak every time he wheezed assuming he was getting a terminal croup or any rash that popped up sent me to WebMd looking for its correlated disease. (I was not a “carry them to the doctor” for these things type…thanks to What To Expect The First Year) Alden can be puking up blood and then we’ll usually just call our friend Ashley (nurse practitioner) and see what medicine to get.
• Motor Development – and of course, I thought Lincoln should be doing everything before every other kid…roll over, sit up, crawl, stand, walk, talk. His development was a subtle competition with all of the other parents. By Alden, I wanted him to develop only so he would quit being a burden on the rest of the family. “Your brothers can walk slacker, get with it.”

These are just a few of the funny things I remembered this morning about my first son. Every parent goes through this. You guys with one snotslinger, you think you won’t, but you will.  And whatever you do, make sure your kid has a sibling, if for no other reason than to be able to say things like, “Why can’t you be more like your….” Wait a minute, don’t do that.

P.S. For those of you who may be struggling to have a child, keep praying, it will happen. If not biologically, I have a list of adoptive parents who would love to help you.

Parenting is simple, but not easy.

In photography, there is a triangle of elements that produce photos.  Aperture (adjustable camera part that opens to allow light into the camera), Shutter Speed (how fast the shutter opens) and ISO (film speed…digital of course).  I won’t begin to attempt to explain these, since I don’t fully grasp them at their component level.  The image imprinted on my mental film was how the triangle works in sync to produce good pictures.

I could set the camera up and shoot a really sweet shot, but if I changed angles, which changed the amount of light on my subject, I needed to make some adjustments to one, or all three of the triangle elements. If the kids are still, the settings are different than when they are in motion (which is pretty much constantly). Maybe I need more light, or less shutter speed, or a different film. There are a host of things that can be factored into the tweaks and adjustments that must be dialed into the camera settings to accommodate changing conditions.  Good photographers masterfully make these adjustments, envision good settings and capture great pics. So that is where my life lesson came.

I have ascended to the highest levels of leadership. No, not the president of the Letter Carriers Association of America (Yes, that exists. Drove by their headquarters Tuesday.) I’m talking about fatherhood.  No man with children can deflect the responsibility of guidance and direction in the young lives of his progeny.  And with each additional child the complexity increases. I have often found myself frustrated and confused when all three boys don’t “listen” to me.  And while I know they possess divergent ages, personality traits, skills and learning patterns, I find myself sliding toward the path of least resistance by attempting to press them all into one mold. Thus, the little photography reminder.

The paths I walk with one son, are not necessarily the same paths I walk with the others.   Adjustments and tweaks must be constant, not sporadic. Tones of voice, expectations, pressure, challenges, punishment, guidance, advice, privilege, empathy, sympathy, teaching, admonishing, encouraging…and the list goes on.  Each of these elements must be balanced and applied to each child in varying degrees to produce a good picture, so to speak. Parenting represents an infinitely more complex combination of factors than capturing a still photograph.  This doesn’t even take into account that the young ones in need of parenting have sharp little minds of their own accompanied by equally quick tongues.

There are many things I could conclude with here, but four words jump to mind in the form of a prayer that proceed from my underlying and unconditional love for my boys:

• Grace | May I lavish my sons with more than they deserve making each day a cycle of hope they look forward to experiencing, and thereby treating them the way I want my heavenly Father to treat me.
• Patience | May I display a high tolerance for the gradual development of children into adults. May I never saddle my children with overbearing expectations nor damage them with sharp-tongued rebukes that force my selfish will into their ambitious and innocent minds.
• Vision | May I evaluate my sons objectively and prepare them to become what God wants them to be, and not what I want them to be. May I encourage them genuinely and direct them lovingly to a path where their gifts match their goals.
• Energy | May I have passionate fervor to address every possible moment of their lives in a personal and caring manner with vigor to adapt to scenarios accommodating each of their different lives while creating dependent independence in their hearts.

And as always, this is simple, but not easy.

One of the officers I worked with, Fleming, walked over and looked at this license I was holding.  He said to the driver, “Where’s your glasses?”  Fleming had taken note of a very small detail.  The driver was required by law to wear prescription lenses.  Fleming could have assumed the driver was wearing contacts, but he did the cop thing and asked.  That’s called quick thinking and attention to detail.

Mr. Squeaky was calm, cool and collected. He rolled with the question and said the glasses were in his center console.  Fleming said that he needed to put them on. Oops.  Mr. Squeaky opened his console to retrieve them.  Then it was my turn to be observant. I saw a bag of weed in the console with the eyeglasses. Although this was before the days of the ubiquitously overused comment “Fail”, this was a classic drug dealer FAIL.  We searched the car and seized about a pound of marijuana and a stolen pistol.

Point? Things are happening all around you.  All day, every day. You have to be observant, but it’s there.  Your friends, spouse, co-workers, family, that lady who manages the flower department at Harris Teeter. They are human. They have things going on in their lives, in their hearts.  They are radiating these facts, perhaps subtly, but the details of their lives are there if you look. You can cruise the world oblivious to everyone but yourself, or you can look around.

A relationship with Jesus Christ is a refreshing response to righteousness.  One of God’s gifts within this righteousness is the unique interrelation we can have with other individuals God has created.  We have the opportunity to build others up, look out for their needs, rejoice with them, challenge them, learn of them and do life with them.  This is a great source of joy and personal treasure.  But only if you take action on the observations you make.  See a need? Meet it.  See a friend?  Hug them. See the hurting?  Walk with them.  See a wrong? Challenge them.  You can’t act until you observe. And you can’t observe until you look around.  So take your eyes off the phone, the computer, the TV, and yourself.  Open your eyes to the world around you.

Simple, but not easy.

Jesus' Minivan

I recently encountered this little glittering jewel of Americana on a vehicle in a Harris Teeter parking lot. Note the God is my Pilot sticker.  My apologies if your vehicular transport bears this oval adhesive decal on its skin. I am only half-joking when I say, “Really?” Now, I am slightly appeased by the latest upgrade of this saying. It was once common to proudly stick something on your car that stated, “God is my Co-Pilot.” I am certain he was very appreciative of the promotion.

I must say I’m always confused by these stickers. First, to my knowledge, cars, SUV’s and trucks can’t fly. Not sure why a pilot would be necessary, natural or divine. Second, a follower of Jesus believes that a loving God in heaven created all that we see, and through omnipotence, omnipresence and omniscience graciously ensures His divine will is accomplished in all of humanity. How that magnanimous worldview coincides with unceremoniously demoting Jesus from Sovereign Lord of the universe to chauffeur, I’ll never grasp. Third, and perhaps most disheartening is the choice of transportation.

Seriously, if, and I mean a big fat theoretical IF, God Himself were to drive a vehicle – a God whose voice shakes the wilderness, whose heights cannot be measured, whose power is infinite and whose love is boundless – if that same God were to buckle himself behind a steering wheel, there is ABSOLUTELY NO POSSIBILITY it would be a minivan!! He was humble, but he definitely had a flair for the dramatic – healing the blind, walking on water & raising the dead.

65 GTO – Yes. 04 Caravan – No.

Of course, I am writing facetiously and sarcastically. Please don’t be offended if you love putting stickers on your car. The point is not the sticker.  My point is our human tendency to shrink God into easily digestible pieces. We turn the Lion of Judah into a cute house cat (if such a thing exists). Let’s consider what Solomon had to say about God.

But will God indeed dwell with man on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain you, how much less this house that I have built!
(2 Chronicles 6:18 ESV)

If heaven can’t contain God, be careful attempting to quantify the irreducible Sovereign Almighty Jehovah God into a cosmic catchphrase. Simple, but not easy.

As I consumed the words of a book this past weekend (that most read in 2007 – again, me: not cool), I recognized a correlation between my reading and a negative habit in my life.  I was reading too fast.  Being an official book geek, I interpret the text fairly quickly, viewing one to two lines as a whole, instead of word by word.

But I recognized a problem. The literature in front of my dilated pupils was well written. Yet I was charging along like one of those crazy mountain racers.  Here I was on a beautiful trail, but I lost sight of the surroundings as I concentrated on summiting the story’s plot as fast as possible. Part of the art of writing is not just the story line, it’s the flow, the wording, the subtle expressions, the nuances.  These are the items often left behind during a speed reading frenzy.

As I sat pondering this, I realized how frequently this applies to my life in general.  Snippets of thoughts bounced around my skull like a pinball hitting the electric bumpers. What’s next?, One to three year plans, Vision casting, My meeting tomorrow, Is their homework done? Is it trash day? Are the taxes ready? Who’s crying? I need to look at some summer vacation sites, Need to get the oil changed.

It dawned on me how much of life is consumed with mundane details, and not just the mundane, but the non-relational.  Very few of my pinball-style thoughts concerned the people in my life.  I read a book earlier this year called Getting Things Done. I think I missed the boat. I should have read Getting to Know People, if such a book exists.

I’m speed-reading through life.  I’m ingesting the plot, but not tasting the story.  It’s time to slow down. Time to focus great attention on my wife and sons and rivet together the framework of our family unit’s culture. Time to engage individuals, learning who they are and the beauty in their complexity. Time to enjoy my Creator and the luxury of his handiwork. Relational value over project accomplishment.  Simple, but not easy.